I’ve been feeling very depressed the past couple days. Yesterday morning I wanted to just stay in bed and cry all day. I couldn’t because I had to volunteer for the KidsWorld at our church. If I hadn’t been scheduled to volunteer I probably would have stayed home from church and my life group. I forced myself to get out of bed, get myself and M.J. breakfast, and go to church. When I got to KidsWorld my friend asked me how I was doing. I really wanted to burst into tears, but it was not possible so I just said, “I’m okay.” I went to the church service and cried during most of the worship part. I really wondered what was wrong with me. I was thinking to myself, there’s no way I’m going to life group today. I had been praying for God to help me feel better and at the end of the service I felt a little better, but I was still debating if I was going to go to life group or not. I decided I needed to make myself go. I felt a little bit better after life group.
After life group, M.J. and I decided to drive around for a little bit and watch the rain. It was fun to hear him “count” the rain. When I pulled into our driveway I realized M.J. had fallen asleep in his car seat. I decided to sit in the car for a little bit. The song, What Faith Can Do by Kutless came on the radio. There’s a line that says “You’ve got to face the clouds to find the silver lining.” I really felt like God was telling me the season of depression I’m going through is hard, but He is helping me through it. I’ve been struggling with extremely low self-esteem. I have often felt like I’m not good anything, but I was feeling extremely down the past couple days. The song reminded me God is working through me to show others his love. I volunteer in the community and the church. I am not worthless. God loves me. Dan loves me. M.J. loves me. I have lots of friends who love me. I matter.
I feel that I am going through this tough time so I can help someone who is struggling in the same way in the future. I definitely don’t feel qualified to do that right now, but if anyone is feeling similar I want to let you know God loves you. I love you. You matter.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
