You Matter

I’ve been feeling very depressed the past couple days.  Yesterday morning I wanted to just stay in bed and cry all day.  I couldn’t because I had to volunteer for the KidsWorld at our church.  If I hadn’t been scheduled to volunteer I probably would have stayed home from church and my life group.  I forced myself to get out of bed, get myself and M.J. breakfast, and go to church.  When I got to KidsWorld my friend asked me how I was doing.  I really wanted to burst into tears, but it was not possible so I just said, “I’m okay.”  I went to the church service and cried during most of the worship part.  I really wondered what was wrong with me.  I was thinking to myself, there’s no way I’m going to life group today.  I had been praying for God to help me feel better and at the end of the service I felt a little better, but I was still debating if I was going to go to life group or not.  I decided I needed to make myself go.  I felt a little bit better after life group.

After life group, M.J. and I decided to drive around for a little bit and watch the rain.  It was fun to hear him “count” the rain.  When I pulled into our driveway I realized M.J. had fallen asleep in his car seat.  I decided to sit in the car for a little bit.  The song, What Faith Can Do by Kutless came on the radio.  There’s a line that says “You’ve got to face the clouds to find the silver lining.”  I really felt like God was telling me the season of depression I’m going through is hard, but He is helping me through it.  I’ve been struggling with extremely low self-esteem.  I have often felt like I’m not good anything, but I was feeling extremely down the past couple days.  The song reminded me God is working through me to show others his love.  I volunteer in the community and the church.  I am not worthless.  God loves me.  Dan loves me.  M.J. loves me.  I have lots of friends who love me.  I matter. 

I feel that I am going through this tough time so I can help someone who is struggling in the same way in the future.  I definitely don’t feel qualified to do that right now, but if anyone is feeling similar I want to let you know God loves you.  I love you.  You matter.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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