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A friend told me the other day that she was studying Psalm 40. The devotional book that she was using by Sarah Mae talked about Psalm 40:3. It says, “He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.” The exercise in the book says to try to see yourself how other people see you. Since I struggle with low self-esteem I thought this could be a good exercise to help see me how others see me.
I broke it up into four different categories:
- How Dan sees me: Beautiful, kind, loving, good wife, good mom, good muffin-baker, helper
Dan often tells me how blessed he is to have me as a wife. I often feel like he deserves someone better. Someone who doesn’t struggle with depression, someone who can cook more things than muffins, chicken strips, and frozen pizzas. But he tells me how much he loves me. He says there is no one else he would rather do life with. And I’m choosing to believe him. And he likes cooking for me so I will stop feeling bad about hating cooking.
“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.” Song of Songs 1:15 NIV
2. How M.J. sees me: His hero, his playmate, his friend, a great mom
Since M.J. is a toddler he still thinks I’m the best person in the world (unless it’s bedtime). He was listing his friends the other day and he said, “You’re my friend?” Even though he’s been super clingy lately I’m going to soak up the snuggles while I still can.
3. How my friends see me: Kind, loving, wanting to help everyone, a good mom, a good friend
I have been blessed with many friends. When I first became a mom I didn’t have any mom friends. Now I joke that I have too many and I need to cut back on some. It’s just wonderful to have so many different moms who I can talk to about my struggles and who will encourage me without judgement. They will tell me I’m a good mom on days when I really don’t feel like it. I wish all moms had a village like mine.
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1st Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
How God sees me: Beautiful, his daughter, loving, Gods handiwork, saved by grace, fearfully and wonderfully made, merciful
Sometimes I don’t feel worthy of God’s love but I know there is nothing I can do to separate me from his love. I have heard people say a marriage is like the relationship with God and his church. Before I went through this exercise I read Song of Songs. I tried to read it like God was talking to me; telling me that I’m beautiful and he loves me because I am and he does. Side-note, Solomon and his wife gave each other strange compliments. In Song of Songs 7:7 it says, “your breasts are like clusters of fruit.” That does not sound like a compliment to me but I guess it was. I know I am blessed with many people who love me but if you are not I want you to know God loves you no matter what. I would also encourage anyone struggling with their self-worth to do this exercise.
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:1-10 NIV