While M.J. and I were playing outside today we played with bubbles.  M.J. loves bubbles; he would probably play with them all day.  I was thinking, I hope everyone has someone who loves them as much as my toddler loves bubbles.

I was blessed to grow up in a loving family.  I had parents who loved me and brothers who I got along with pretty well.  Even though I grew up in a loving family I always seemed to struggle with my self-esteem.

I still struggle with my self-esteem; I definitely care too much what people think of me.  I worry that people don’t like me or won’t like me.  When I post a blog post I want people to read it but then I think, do I really want people to read it?  I don’t take criticism well probably because I am very critical of myself.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalms 139:13-14 NIV

I don’t know why I have always had low self-esteem but lately I’ve been trying to work on loving myself more.  It can be difficult for me because I like helping others and loving myself seems selfish.  Because of my low self-esteem I think I have sometimes let people treat me badly.  I have a very loving personality which is a strength normally but it also causes me to feel bad saying no and to put up healthy boundaries.

When I graduated from college I started feeling pretty depressed and lonely.  I thought I should go to grad school but I didn’t know what to get my graduate degree in, I didn’t have money to pay for it,  and I had student loans I had to pay off from undergrad.  I was 23 and living with my parents and working at a grocery store.  I felt like a failure.  I thought by 23 I would be married (or at least have some prospects) and have a career.  But, I wasn’t a failure.  I had graduated from college and maybe someday I will have a career. 

When I met Dan I could tell he was different than other guys.  He treated me with respect and always tried to make me laugh.  I remember having a lot of fun on our first date, I thought, this guy is so funny.  I was laughing most of our date.  We only dated for seven months before we got engaged but I think we fell in love in about two months.  He is such a loving and wonderful husband, he is my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without him.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Songs 4:7 NIV

If you are struggling with self-esteem or loneliness don’t settle for less than your worth.  If you are single (or not in a healthy relationship) remember that God loves you.  Don’t settle for someone who treats you poorly.  Find someone who loves you as much as my toddler loves bubbles.

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”  Genesis 1:27 NIV

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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