Tomorrow is mine and Dan’s fifth anniversary.  I’m excited to celebrate with him but a little disappointed because we normally go out to dinner and I don’t think that’s an option right now.  We’re not big gift people but we enjoy spending time together without our toddler.

I am reminded of how blessed I have been to have such a wonderful man in my life for six and a half years.  He has shown me so much love and has helped me through some really tough times.

I heard before that the first five years of marriage is the hardest; I’m not sure if that’s true but we have had a lot of ups and downs during these five years.   When we were first married I thought, why do people say marriage is so hard? It’s not that hard.  Then we had a kid.  You never realize how many things you won’t agree on as parents.  I feel like I normally compromise pretty well but I didn’t want to compromise with parenting because I felt I knew what was best for my child.  Also, since Dan and I have different personalities we parent differently.  I give in (probably too easily sometimes) and Dan pretty much never gives in.  You also don’t realize how men and women think differently.  I expected Dan to pick M.J. up right away when he was crying because that’s what I would do. 

My pregnancy and labor with M.J. were also not fun.  We were blessed with Dan’s job so I thankfully didn’t have to work while I was pregnant.  I don’t think I could have handled it.  I was throwing up at least once a day for a probably the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy.  That was a difficult time.  My labor was also pretty traumatic; I lost a lot of blood and I was very weak so they didn’t let me nurse M.J.  After that he wouldn’t latch so I pumped for eleven months.  I sometimes felt like a failure for not being able to nurse but Dan told me it wasn’t my fault M.J. didn’t know how to nurse.

Then of course there was this past year.  When Dan took me to the emergency room for having very serious suicidal thoughts.  I went to a partial hospitalization program where I was diagnosed with OCD which I was very surprised about.  Dan was so wonderful:  he took care of M.J. and did chores around the house when I found it very difficult to even get out of bed.  He took off work so I could get the help I needed.  I often feel I don’t deserve such a great husband but I love him so much.

So our first five years of marriage were hard but I think it has made us stronger as a couple.  We have been through so much together but our struggles have made the good times even better.

“God gave me you for the ups and downs.  God gave me you for the days of doubt.  And for when I think I’ve lost my way there are no words here left to say, it’s true.  God gave me you.”- Song God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton (originally by Dave Barnes)

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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