Wondering and Waiting

I have thought about adopting a child since I was little.  Probably when I was around five to seven years old I told my mom I wanted to adopt a lot of kids when I was older.  I heard girls in China were not treated very well so I was going to adopt a girl from China.  I think I planned on adopting 15 kids from 15 different countries.  I think international adoptions were the only ones I knew about then.  While getting my bachelor’s degree in community services I learned about so many children who didn’t have homes and I thought about adopting again.  When Dan and I were engaged I told him I thought I might want to adopt.  He said he didn’t feel like that was something he could do.  I was sad but I guessed it wasn’t something God was calling me to do.

A few months ago Dan and I started talking about a second child.  I wanted another child but I was not looking forward to being pregnant and giving birth again.  I then went through a bad period of depression and was diagnosed with OCD so we stopped trying for a little while.  Then about a month ago, Dan asked me, “Do you think you would still want to adopt sometime?”  I said “I don’t know, I don’t think I’m qualified.”  But then I started researching adoption and felt like it was something God was calling us to do.  I had (and still have) so many doubts: Can I handle more than one kid? They won’t let me adopt a child.  Will my house pass the home inspection?  What if I mess my kid up?  Of course when I’m feeling unqualified I see a quote I have heard many times before.

God doesn’t call the qualified he qualifies the called.

Many people have said if it is something God is calling us to do he will make a way for it to happen.  Will it be hard?  Yes.  Will it be scary?  Yes.  Will it be worth it? Yes.  We are so blessed to attend a church where many people have adopted.  We know so many people who we can ask for advice and people who can pray with us through this process. 

We were supposed to go to a foster care and adoption orientation but it was cancelled because of Covid-19.  I am disappointed because I wanted to start with the process as soon as possible.  Although, I guess they’re probably not doing home inspections right now either.  I also wanted to learn more about the process because Dan and I are not sure what kind of adoption we want to do.  We don’t really want a newborn but we want them to be younger than M.J. so that is not a very big gap. We wouldn’t mind adopting from foster care but we don’t want to maybe be able to adopt the child but maybe have to give them back.  We both thought we couldn’t handle that emotionally.  I don’t think M.J. would like that very much either.  We weren’t too interested in international adoption because it is so expensive and it takes a while (probably a lot longer now). 

I am really feeling like this is something God is calling us to do and I’m sad it has to be put on hold.  I know things will happen in His timing but waiting is hard. Especially when I don’t know how long we will have to wait. I am so excited to add a new child to our family and I’m so glad this is something God has called us to do.

 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  James 1:27 NIV

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Subscribe to my blogDon't miss any new posts!