I have seen the verse Isaiah 6:8 a few times in the past week. It says:
“Then I heard the Lord asking, ‘Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?’ I said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’” NLT
I grew up in the church but I don’t remember hearing this verse before. Maybe I did and I just forgot. I feel there is a reason I’ve seen this verse lately but I don’t know what it is. What does God want me to do? Does he want Dan and me to adopt 1…2…3? Kids? I mean Dan only agreed to adopt 1 and I’m sure I’d go (more?) crazy if I had more than 2 kids. While I was pondering Isaiah 6:8 I was reminded of the song, Broken Things by Matthew West. There is a part that says:
“But if it’s true You use broken things then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours.”
While listening to this song I was reminded God can use me no matter how unqualified I feel. I feel I am not worthy enough for God to use me but really no one is worthy. If God is calling me to do something it will happen. Maybe not in the timeline I thought but it will happen. Some things I know I’m called to do are:
- Love others
- Help others
- Love my husband
- Love my son
I know God wants me to love others but I often wonder what that means. I try to be nice to everyone but I feel like I should do more than that. This is why I feel I am called to help others because that is one way to share God’s love. But I want to help everyone and that is obviously not possible. Dan sometimes has to remind me I am not the only servant God has called. I love volunteering and I want to volunteer even more but I am probably already overcommitted in this area. I sometimes worry if I volunteer too much I won’t spend enough time with my family and I don’t want that either.
“If you want to change the world go home and love your family.”- Mother Teresa
I am obviously called to love my husband and I do or I wouldn’t have married him. Our “honeymoon stage” was not a typical honeymoon stage and I think it helped us grow as a couple. I had 2 ovarian cysts and had to have surgery during the first 2 months of our marriage. Dan was great at taking care me. He’s still great at taking care of me. He’s a wonderful husband. Of course, marriage can be hard sometimes. After we had M.J. we fought more than we ever had before. I hate fighting and confrontation so it was very stressful for me. I have gotten better at sharing my feelings but I still need to work on it. I also found The Love Dare to be a very good book to help with our marriage.
I am called to love M.J., too. I am so thankful for him. I’m so glad God blessed us with our son. I am trying to teach him to love God and love others. It’s so fun watching him grow and learn new things.
There are some things I think God could be calling me to do but I’m not sure:
- Tell more people about my OCD and help end the stigma of mental health in the church
- Adopt a child
When I started writing I was thinking, what is God calling me to do? I started thinking about being diagnosed with OCD at 29 although my intrusive thoughts probably started when I was 19 (maybe younger). While I was learning about OCD I was scared to tell anyone about my intrusive thoughts. I’m still not very comfortable talking about it even with my therapist. But I feel like I should keep writing about my OCD so I can help people who may be going through similar struggles. I also want to help end the stigma of mental health. Mood disorders are physical disorders because your brain is a part of your body. If others are struggling I want you to know you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. You can’t just “pray it away.” If someone was having a heart attack would you say, “Pray that you feel better”? Of course not! All mental illnesses should be treated the same way.
I definitely felt God was calling us to adopt a child but now I’m not sure. Everything was pushed back because of the Corona Virus. I also sometimes feel like I don’t know how to parent my biological child. I wonder if I would be able to parent an adopted child. But I need to remember if God wants us to adopt He will make it happen. I’m not qualified but God is.
The main thing I need to remember is that I am called to love God and love people. If I love God I should love people. I might not know what else I am called to do but I know this.
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“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians 13:13 NIV