Last night I showed Dan a poem I wrote when I was struggling with OCD and suicidal thoughts. He asked if I had really made a plan to kill myself and I said yes. But it was around Halloween and since Dan loves Halloween I didn’t want to make it a horrible day for him. After that I kept thinking, today wouldn’t be a good day either. While thinking about this last night I thought, it’s never a good day to kill yourself.
You may be feeling like everyone will be better off without you. You may be feeling like you don’t deserve to live. You may feel like no one likes you. You think no one can understand what you’re going through. Ending it feels like the only way to stop the pain. I want to let you know these are all lies. Your friends and family will NOT be better off without you. People like you. God loves you. There are other people who are going through similar struggles; you’re not the only one who has felt this way. There are better ways to stop the pain. If you are struggling ask for help. Medication and therapy have been very helpful to me. Don’t be afraid to go to the hospital if you are having suicidal thoughts. They will help you. You deserve to live. It’s never a good day to end your life. If you need someone to talk to I’m here. Remember I love you. God loves you. You matter.
Living with OCD
Intrusive thoughts are very scary
Especially when you’ve never heard of them before
They made me not want to live anymore
I made a plan to kill myself
And wished I was someone else
I couldn’t leave my husband and son
So I looked up how to make the thoughts be gone
I was diagnosed with OCD
Which didn’t make any sense to me
I have a messy car and house
I share food with my son and spouse
I’m an unorganized non-clean freak
How could I have OCD?
I want to make people more aware
So we don’t have to live in despair
I’m managing with Prozac and therapy
The symptoms of my OCD
My husband, therapy, and medication
Have shown me I don’t need to take a permanent vacation
My husband is supportive of me
Without him I don’t know where I’d be
I’m so glad I am his wife
Or else I may have taken my life
I’m feeling so much better now
And you can, too if you are shown how
I’m learning how to be me
While living with my OCD
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
http://www.suicidepreventionhotline.org
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
