Last night I showed Dan a poem I wrote when I was struggling with OCD and suicidal thoughts.  He asked if I had really made a plan to kill myself and I said yes.  But it was around Halloween and since Dan loves Halloween I didn’t want to make it a horrible day for him.  After that I kept thinking, today wouldn’t be a good day either.  While thinking about this last night I thought, it’s never a good day to kill yourself.

You may be feeling like everyone will be better off without you.  You may be feeling like you don’t deserve to live.  You may feel like no one likes you.  You think no one can understand what you’re going through.  Ending it feels like the only way to stop the pain.  I want to let you know these are all lies.  Your friends and family will NOT be better off without you.  People like you.  God loves you.  There are other people who are going through similar struggles; you’re not the only one who has felt this way.  There are better ways to stop the pain.  If you are struggling ask for help.  Medication and therapy have been very helpful to me.  Don’t be afraid to go to the hospital if you are having suicidal thoughts.  They will help you.  You deserve to live.  It’s never a good day to end your life.  If you need someone to talk to I’m here.  Remember I love you.  God loves you.  You matter.

Living with OCD

Intrusive thoughts are very scary

Especially when you’ve never heard of them before

They made me not want to live anymore

I made a plan to kill myself

And wished I was someone else

I couldn’t leave my husband and son

So I looked up how to make the thoughts be gone

I was diagnosed with OCD

Which didn’t make any sense to me

I have a messy car and house

I share food with my son and spouse

I’m an unorganized non-clean freak

How could I have OCD?

I want to make people more aware

So we don’t have to live in despair

I’m managing with Prozac and therapy

The symptoms of my OCD

My husband, therapy, and medication

Have shown me I don’t need to take a permanent vacation

My husband is supportive of me

Without him I don’t know where I’d be

I’m so glad I am his wife

Or else I may have taken my life

I’m feeling so much better now

And you can, too if you are shown how

I’m learning how to be me

While living with my OCD

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

http://www.suicidepreventionhotline.org

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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