I found it interesting when reading Matthew 1 the other day that Rahab was in the line of Jesus.  Rahab was a prostitute whose life was spared because she hid spies from the king of Jericho (Joshua 2).  She knew their God was the one true God so she wanted to help them.

Was Rahab a perfect person?  Not at all.  There’s nothing you can do to separate you from God’s love.  God can use you even if you feel you have nothing to offer.  I hope God is using me to help end the stigma of mental health.  A lot of things I’ve shared have been very difficult for me.  I wonder if people will judge me or think I’m crazy.  But I decided to share these things because I want others to know they’re not alone.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39 NIV

I shared about my intrusive thoughts because I hadn’t heard of them before.  I took a lot of psychology classes in college and intrusive thoughts were not mentioned once.  That’s why I decided to share; I don’t want anyone else to hate themselves as much as I did.  I also shared about being suicidal because I want other people to know it’s okay.  If you are feeling suicidal don’t be afraid to get help.  There are many different ways of coping with various mood disorders.  I waited a lot longer than I should have to get help.  When I told Dan I was feeling suicidal I felt so guilty.  I thought, How could I be so selfish?  How could I leave my husband a single dad?  But I also thought, I don’t deserve to live.  They would be much better off without me.  They’ll be sad at first but they’ll find someone better.  Those were lies!  I am a wonderful wife and a wonderful mom.  My family would not have been better off without me.  If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, please get help before it’s too late.  You’ll be so glad you did.

“There’s no shadow You won’t light up, mountain you won’t climb up coming after me.  There’s no wall You won’t kick down, lie you won’t tear down coming after me.” –Reckless Love by Cory Asbury

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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