I was looking through my swimsuits recently while packing for a trip. A lot of them were from when Dan and I first got married. They were all size medium which is way too small for me now. I was feeling a little down when I realized none of the swimsuits were going to fit me. But then I thought, I love myself a lot more now than I ever did when I was skinny. I struggled with low self-esteem from a very young age. I was always thin and when I started high school I thought I was fairly attractive but I didn’t like anything else about myself. I thought if I just had a boyfriend it would help my self-esteem.
I thought getting married would help my self-esteem. I thought if I just had a wonderful husband I would be happy. Of course, I was happy sometimes but I still struggled with depression and low self-esteem. Sometimes it was even self-loathing. I have learned recently that having a wonderful husband cannot alone improve my self-esteem. Of course, having a good husband helps. If your husband is a jerk that could factor into your self-esteem. But my self-esteem did not improve until I learned to love myself. Yes, I have many flaws but I also have many strengths. I’m trying to acknowledge that my strengths are strengths and not belittle myself. I am a loving, caring person who wants to help people. I am not currently happy with my weight but I got a super cute high-waisted swimsuit to cover up my mom pooch. I think I will probably not be able to fit into my size medium swimsuits again and I’m okay with that.
It only took me 30 years but I have finally started to practice self-care. I sometimes still feel guilty because I want to take care of everyone else. I also feel it is my job to take care of my son. It is, but most jobs are 9 to 5. Being a mom is 24-7. It’s hard. Sometimes my kid is a brat. My stress might not be helping with my chocolate addiction. I am finally learning to love myself. I know there are many things I can improve on but I’m going to try not to stress over things that don’t matter. I am going to focus on positive things about myself:
- I am attractive
- I am a good wife
- I am a good mom
- I love to help and encourage people
- I am a kind person
If you struggle with low self-esteem I encourage you to write positive things about yourself. It can really help you to love yourself more. God loves you. I love you. You are awesome.
God, please shrink my belly and legs without shrinking my boobs or butt. Is that too much to ask?
