So the other day I found out I’d been using the “do-it-yourself” car wash wrong.  I was so embarrassed about it and I told Dan.  I said,

“I was so embarrassed, I almost didn’t tell you.  I thought you would be like, why did I marry this stupid girl?”

He said, “There’s nothing you could do that would make me regret marrying you.”

Oh my goodness!  I am so in love with this man!  Hopefully he doesn’t get too embarrassed about my sappiness.  I have felt unlovable so many different times in my life and when he said that it made me feel so loved.  He is so good at making me feel loved.  I hope everyone is able to find someone who loves them the way Dan loves me.

And I’m glad he doesn’t regret marrying me for doing embarrassing things because I have done a lot of them.  Just this morning, I spilled coffee all over our church pew.  I went to the bathroom a few times to get paper towel to clean it up.  But, hey, at least I can laugh at myself.  I guess when you often do embarrassing things it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself.  I even told Dan something really embarrassing that I had never told anyone before.  But here I am, about to share it on my blog.  I mean it was like 15 or 16 years ago.  When I was around 13 or 14 I had a bad cold so I drank a TON of water.  I was standing in church and I was wearing a dress and I had to pee really badly.  The sermon was done and the pastor was praying so I was like, I can hold it, I can hold it, I can’t hold it.  I peed and since I was wearing a dress it went onto the floor.  I was really embarrassed.  I poured some water on the floor and said I spilled water on the floor.  So, Andrea, I don’t know if you read my blog or if you remember this but that was pee, not water.  Although I was super hydrated so I guess it was mostly water.  Thank you for cleaning it up while I went to the bathroom.  Sorry!  Seeing as how I was way too old to pee my pants I didn’t tell anyone about that for a long time.  But I’m not really embarrassed about it anymore.  Maybe because I pee half of the time when I sneeze (Thanks, M.J.).  And I tend to be kind of clumsy so I will probably do embarrassing things again.  But, hey then I’ll have some good writing material for my blog.

It also made me feel good when Dan said that because sometimes my intrusive thoughts make me think he deserves someone better.  I know now that having intrusive thoughts doesn’t make me a bad person but sometimes I will still think… maybe I am.  I also sometimes feel guilty that I was seriously considering suicide.  How could I have left him and M.J.?  I love them so much.  Of course, at the time, I thought they would be better off without me but I know now that was a lie.  I am so loved.  You are so loved.  Even if you feel like you don’t have any loving family or friends (although, I hope you are able to find some) God loves you.  He loves you no matter what you struggle with and no matter what mistakes you have made. 

And if anyone has any funny embarrassing moments they’d like to share I’d love to hear them!

“You turn mourning to dancing.  You give beauty for ashes.  You turn shame into glory.  You’re the only one who can.”- Graves into Gardens by Elevation Worship

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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