Last night, Dan and I watched an interesting movie called Sliding Doors (1998). At the beginning of the movie they show two different scenes: one where the main character (Helen) misses her train and one where she makes it to her train. There are then two different stories that show how one small thing can make big differences in our lives.
I found this movie and this concept very interesting. I was reminded of so many things that had to happen for my life to be where it is now. If I had not moved from Grand Rapids to Portland in second grade I’m sure there would be many differences in my life right now. I was very upset that I couldn’t afford to stay in Texas for college. But if I had I probably wouldn’t have married Dan (maybe I’d be stuck with some schmuck) and we wouldn’t have had M.J. either. When we were trying to conceive and I kept wondering, why am I not pregnant yet? Can I get pregnant? Does God want me to be a mother? Dan was saying God had a plan for when M.J. was supposed to be born. If we had gotten pregnant earlier maybe we would have a completely different kid and I like my kid quite a bit.
I found this so interesting because I was reminded that God knows the bigger picture. Sometimes life sucks but maybe bad things have happened so good things can happen in the future. I still don’t like my struggle with intrusive thoughts but my diagnosis of OCD has been helpful for me. I didn’t like being suicidal but it has helped me be an encouragement to others who may be going through similar things. If you’re going through a hard time I want to remind you that it can get better. So many things had to line up for me to be married to Dan and for us to have M.J. If Dan and I had not gotten married neither of us would probably be going to our current church. Our church has helped us grow closer to God and each other and we have made many friends there. I have made friends with many moms who encourage me in my faith and remind me motherhood is hard. I’m so thankful I’ve been blessed with my crazy, beautiful life.