Well, I apparently feel like writing now that I took some Nyquil and tried to go to sleep. I’ve heard a lot of writers stay up late but I wonder if they have toddlers. From a young age it has always taken me awhile to fall asleep. I feel like it used to take at least thirty minutes. After I had M.J. I apparently was exhausted enough to fall asleep almost right away. But lately it has been taking me longer to fall asleep. When I can’t sleep I often think it would be a good time to write. Oh, maybe this is the reason so many writers stay up late.
I am already feeling exhausted but for some reason I can’t sleep. Although, I guess I didn’t try for very long. Since I am feeling sick I feel like I didn’t do a very good job parenting today. I know this is ridiculous. Who expects people to play with their kids all day every day when they’re feeling like crap? I let M.J. watch a lot of T.V. because I just wanted to relax. Now I’m feeling guilty that I’m not sleeping. Mom guilt can be super irrational. Why would I feel guilty for being sick? Why would I feel guilty for letting my son watch a lot of T.V. while I’m sick? Maybe because I feel like I am kind of a baby when I’m sick. I see a lot of posts about men (husbands) being babies when they’re sick and I think, Oops, that’s me, I guess I should just suck it up. Really, I am the husband in the majority of those posts. Maybe that’s why I’m not a big fan of husband-shaming; because I feel like these people are shaming me. I know it’s silly and it doesn’t matter that I’m not a “stereotypical housewife” but sometimes it’s discouraging that I suck at things that seem to come naturally to a lot of women.
Although, I guess everyone has their talents. I know what my talents are not but I guess I’m still working on what my talents are. Empathy and compassion (are these talents?), Writing (maybe?), Reading (because reading novels is very useful), doubting myself (I know this isn’t a talent but it’s something I’m good at). Maybe I’m funny, too. Maybe not.
I have learned to realize it’s okay that I suck at cooking. Dan is good at cooking. I used to feel like I should be good at cooking because I am a woman. I know, pretty sexist thinking. Then I thought, I should cook dinner every night because I’m a Stay-at-Home Mom. It’s part of my job. It doesn’t matter if my kid is crazy and clingy, I should have dinner on the table every night. Of course, I often didn’t. But I realized it’s okay if I don’t like cooking. I do cook dinner a lot of the time but it’s normally something fairly easy and I’ve realized that’s okay. If you don’t like cooking that’s okay, too. If you love cooking that’s great! (And please bring me food so I don’t have to cook).
Good cooks are good moms. Bad cooks are good moms.
Exhausted moms are good moms. Well-rested moms (is there such a thing?) are good moms.
Working moms are good moms. Stay-at-Home Moms are good moms.
Moms who let their kids watch T.V. are good moms. Moms who don’t let their kids watch T.V. are good moms.
Single moms are good moms. Married moms are good moms.
Moms with difficult kids are good moms. Moms with laidback kids are good moms.
If you’re feeling sick you’re a good mom. If you’re feeling healthy you’re a good mom.
You’re a good mom.