This morning my mom was asking me when we could get together as a family.  I said, no that doesn’t work.  That might work.  No, that doesn’t work.  She then told me I needed to stop having so many friends.  This conversation reminded me how blessed I am and how much your life can change.

After I had M.J. I didn’t have any mom friends.  I had no idea how to leave the house with a baby and I also had no idea how I would pump every three hours if I left the house.  I was worried people would judge me for bottle-feeding my baby.  I was worried people would think I wasn’t a good mom.  I was worried people would think I was weird and I wouldn’t be able to make friends with any other moms.  There are some moms who judge other moms but are these really the people you want to be friends with anyway?  It took me awhile and I had to push myself out of my comfort zone but I started making friends with other moms.  Also, it got a little bit easier when M.J. got older because he was such a little extrovert he would just start playing with kids. 

After we had M.J. we started attending our church more regularly (when we decided we were comfortable taking him to the nursery).  I found it very encouraging to meet other mom friends at church and through my life group.  I’ve made friends with people who I can say, “Hey, today sucks, my kid was a total brat” and they won’t judge me.  They can tell me their different struggles with parenting and I won’t judge them.  I’m so glad I have a group of friends I can feel comfortable enough to share my struggles with and who I can also have a lot of fun with.

I have become a lot less ashamed to talk about my depression and general anxiety.  It is still difficult for me to talk about intrusive thoughts or OCD.  I am so thankful I have so many friends who have supported me with everything I have gone through.  When I had told people I had been suicidal (I told very few people when I actually was suicidal) they didn’t judge me.  I still care too much what people think about me but I am so glad I have so many friends who love me for the person I am.

I was thinking earlier that there are a lot of things I don’t like about my appearance.  I don’t like that I’m 30 and have the skin of a middle-schooler.  I don’t like that I can’t just eat whatever I want without gaining weight anymore.  But even though I don’t like these things about myself I’ve finally learned to love myself as a person.  No one is perfect.  I have many imperfections.  But I am also a very loving, caring person.  I believe it is so important to be kind to others.  But it is also important to be kind to yourself.  You are loved.  Before you say something negative about yourself think if you would say this to your child, or your niece, or your nephew, or your best friend.  If you wouldn’t say it to anyone else don’t say it to yourself.  Be kind to everyone.  Including yourself.

Stick and stones may break my bones

But words will never…

Wait.  Stop.

This is not true

Words can have so much power over you

Stick and stones

May break bones

But words can leave an invisible scar

It doesn’t matter who you are

Think before you speak

Don’t be the source of someone’s defeat

You don’t want to start someone’s decline

Always remember to be kind

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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