Summer has always been my favorite season but Fall is really making me happy this year.  Summer is still my favorite season because you know, warmth.  But I’m really enjoying the pretty Fall colors.  There’s a tree in our front yard that’s leaves are half orange and half green and I think it is so beautiful.  Stepping on the crunchy leaves makes me so happy; I start to feel like a kid again.

Watching the leaves change

During the beautiful Autumn Season

I find such joy hearing the crunch

Underneath my feet

Maybe I am feeling so happy this October because it is so different than how I was feeling last October.  I doubt I even noticed the leaves changing last year.  I was in such a deep depression nothing seemed to matter.  There were days when I found it very hard to get out of bed.  When you are feeling so down it can be almost impossible to find joy in the little things.  Some days it may be an accomplishment to just make it from your bed to the couch.  That is okay.  But if you are feeling very depressed don’t be afraid to get help.  Actually, it is much easier to get help when you are feeling only a little depressed.  Someone who finds it difficult to get out of bed would also find it difficult to make an appointment with a therapist or doctor.  Try to get help before it gets that bad.  I thought, It’s not a big deal.  Other people have bigger problems.  I haven’t gone through any trauma.  What is wrong with me?

I did eventually start talking to a therapist.  Probably at least ten years after I should have.  It’s also important to be honest with your therapist.  I know, it can be very scary.  Maybe if I had gotten help for my intrusive thoughts sooner I wouldn’t have been suicidal.  Maybe if I had been diagnosed with OCD sooner I would have understood what was happening to me.  Although, OCD is still very hard to live with.  There are good and bad days.  I am afraid to tell people about my intrusive thoughts.  Even when I have given examples of intrusive thoughts on my blog I’m worried people are thinking I’m thinking these thoughts and that I’m a horrible person.  I know I’m not a horrible person and I’m pretty sure no one thinks I’m a horrible person but I still have these irrational fears.

I am feeling so much better this October than I was last October.  I’m thankful I have medication and therapy to help with my OCD.  I am really enjoying the Fall weather.  It has been so much easier to find joy in the little things.

The leaves are changing

I love the orange and green

Fall is beautiful

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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