A lot of the time on the way to the grocery store I will listen to songs from the early 2000s.  I have no idea what songs are popular right now but I have the ones down from when I was in middle school.  Today one of the songs was Don’t Let Me Get Me by P!nk:

“Doctor, Doctor won’t you please prescribe me something’, A day in the life of someone else?  ‘Cause I’m a hazard to myself.”

Have you ever felt like this?  I know I have.  Could I please have the life of someone who doesn’t struggle with intrusive thoughts and OCD?  Could I please have the life of someone who doesn’t struggle with depression and anxiety?

But if we think about it, everyone has different things they struggle with.  That person who you think has the perfect life? They don’t.  No one does.  So many people struggle with so many different things.  Many people may not talk about what they struggle with.  I didn’t like to tell people what I was struggling with because I didn’t want to be a burden.  I didn’t want to tell people I was struggling with being a mom because I didn’t want people to think I hated my kid.  But when I started being more open about struggling with parenting I learned most moms feel this way.  Most moms worry about messing up their kids.  Most moms wonder if they are too strict or too lenient.  Most moms wonder if they give their kid too much screen time.  Most moms feels guilty for wanting time to themselves.  I just want to remind you it is okay to have time to yourself.  Self-care is essential to be a god mom.

I didn’t want to tell people I was struggling with depression and anxiety because I didn’t want to bug people.  I also felt I had no reason to be depressed or anxious.  There are so many people who have worse lives than me.  I didn’t tell people about my intrusive thoughts because I didn’t want them to think I was a bad person.  I was so ashamed of them and it can still be a struggle sometimes.  However; I have learned I have a chemical imbalance in my brain.  It is possible to have had a non-traumatic childhood and still struggle with depression, anxiety, and OCD.  I am not ashamed to take medication or talk to my therapist anymore.

I think it helps with my mood disorders to focus on the positive things in my life.  If I had a really bad day it can be hard and sometimes I will ask Dan to help me.  This is okay.  You don’t need to be happy all the time but remember your blessings.  Remembering what you’re blessed with can help with what you are struggling with.  I have a wonderful God who loves me.  I have an amazing husband and a loving son.  I am blessed with a wonderful family.  I have many friends who love me so much.  I am so thankful to live my life.  I don’t really want to live someone else’s life.

Hiding behind a tree

Hoping no-one sees me

Thinking if I show my face

I will be a huge disgrace

I don’t want to be a burden

Even if I’m really hurting

My problems are too small

To bother anyone at all

Talking to a therapist

Would be way too selfish

I need to care for everyone else

It’s selfish to take care of myself

That quite simply is not true

Make sure to take care of you

Self-care is essential

Don’t keep your struggles confidential

You need to take care of yourself

To have strength for everyone else

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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