I am so thankful for my husband.  I am so glad God has blessed me with someone who is so supportive and encouraging.  Today, I was planning on going grocery shopping when he woke up around 1:00 but I was feeling so exhausted.  I guess because I didn’t sleep well last night I really needed to catch up.  I took a nap and then I went grocery shopping.  When I got home Dan had cleaned most of the house.  I am so thankful he’s the person I chose to do life with.

“This love is difficult, but it’s real.  Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.  It’s a love story, baby, just say, yes.”- Love Story by Taylor Swift

Love is difficult.  Marriage is difficult.  People say the first five years of marriage is the hardest.  I don’t know if that is true because we’ve only been married for five years.  Although, I definitely feel like we understand each other now a lot better than when we were first married.  Of course, people change, too.  I’m a lot more outgoing than I was when we were first married.  I still struggle with talking about my feelings but I have gotten a lot better at it than I used to be.

And you know, having a kid totally changes the dynamic of your relationship.  I had to learn to express what I wanted instead of expecting Dan to read my mind.  And I had to learn we aren’t going to agree on every single parenting thing but it is possible to compromise.  Yes, even with parenting.  I had to make the choice to love my husband even when I didn’t feel like it.  He’s not perfect.  I’m not perfect either.  We shouldn’t look to our spouse for perfection.  If we do we will always be disappointed.  We need to choose to love each other every day.

“When I was I first married I wondered, why does everyone say marriage is hard, it’s not that hard.  Then we had a kid….”

I’m so thankful Dan stuck with me when I was suicidal.  I was really not fun to be around.  I didn’t want to eat; I wanted to stay in bed all day.  I tried so hard to hide my pain because I didn’t want to be a burden.  I was also too afraid to tell anyone about my intrusive thoughts.  During the partial hospitalization program Dan took time off of work so he could watch M.J.  I felt so guilty that he was using his vacation time for me.  I thought he should be using his vacation time to do something fun.  He shouldn’t be using it to stay home with our kid; that’s my job.  Of course, I was unable to stay home with M.J. at that time.  I needed to get help or I might not have been around to take care of M.J. at all.  I remember telling my mom I felt bad Dan had to take two weeks off of work and she said, “Yeah, but it could have been a lot worse for him.”  That is so true.  Taking two weeks off from work is much better than losing your wife and becoming a single dad.  Dan is still helpful with my depression, anxiety, and OCD.  He recognizes them as real disorders and he probably researched them because that’s what he does.  He reminds me that he loves me no matter what.  He tells me there is nothing I could do or think that would make him regret marrying me.  I am so blessed to have such a loving husband.

You are loved, too.  My husband loves me as much as what is humanly possible but God loves me even more than that.  God loves you, too.  It doesn’t matter if you feel unworthy of love.  It doesn’t matter what you have done.  It doesn’t matter what has been done to you.  It doesn’t matter what you are struggling with.  God loves you so much.  You are so loved.

“Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians 13:13 NLT

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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