Have you ever done anything you regret?  No?  Me neither.  Just kidding!  I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.  Probably because I’m human.  Some small mistakes, some big mistakes.  I think because I have OCD and Anxiety, I will sometimes dwell on mistakes I have made in the past.  I will think, why did I do that? Why did I say that?  Why didn’t I do this?  Why didn’t I say this?  God loves us no matter what regrets we have.  We are all human. We all make mistakes, but God doesn’t make mistakes.  He created all of us on purpose for a purpose.  No matter how you feel, God loves you.

“I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us.”- How He Loves by David Crowder Band

I have loved this song since the first time I heard it.  Whenever I sing it or hear it, it reminds me God always loves me.  He doesn’t care about the mistakes I have made.  He doesn’t care about the way people have treated me in the past.  He doesn’t care that I have Depression, Anxiety, and OCD.  He loves me even when I struggle to love myself.  I have often struggled to love myself.  I have struggled with low self-esteem from a young age.  I was awkwardly tall in elementary school and middle school.  Around 5th or 6th grade I started having bad acne which went away in high school, but decided to come back now that I’m an adult (lovely).  I probably started struggling with Depression around 4th or 5th grade.  My self-esteem has improved quite a bit since I have started talking to my therapist.  I don’t hate myself anymore, but I sometimes get discouraged when I feel like I’m not good at anything.  I guess my writing has probably improved a lot.  Although, I wish I could write creative stories, but when I try they seem silly.  I guess writing my feelings is probably more helpful for my mental health anyway.  I also know sharing the struggles I have gone through on my blog can help people who are going through similar struggles.  This is one reason why I decided to start this blog.  It is why I decided to be very open about being suicidal.  It can be very difficult to talk about, but I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through.  If you are struggling with any mood disorder, don’t be afraid to get help.  It is a sign of strength.

“Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.”- Rising Strong by Brene Brown

Maybe you feel unlovable for different reasons.  Maybe people in your life have treated you poorly.  Maybe your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend made you feel unloved.  Maybe you have been abused emotionally, verbally, spiritually, physically, or sexually.  I don’t believe God wants that for anyone.  I think it breaks God’s heart to see us hurting.  As parents, it breaks our hearts to see our children hurting so I imagine it breaks God’s heart to see His children hurting.  No matter how people have treated you, you are loved.  No matter what you are struggling with right now or what you have struggled with in the past, you are loved.  God loves you even when you are not able to love yourself.  No matter how you are feeling, you are loved. 

You could be struggling with a traumatic past.  If you are struggling with Depression, Anxiety, or OCD, I can relate.  You are NOT alone.  No matter what you are struggling with, you are not alone.  Be honest about your struggles and you will realize you are not the only one.  Also, remember, you are loved.  God loves you.  I love you.  You are ALWAYS loved.

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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