By now you probably know that I sometimes struggle with feeling like a bad mom. This has improved a lot since I have started going to therapy. It also helps to have supportive mom friends who are honest about their struggles. I have also been trying to learn to have grace with myself. It has been difficult lately, though. I feel like M.J. has not been listening and a lot of the time he has just been mean. He is normally such a sweet kid; it makes me sad to see my child be mean. I also struggle with discipline; I found one thing that seemed to work really well, but then it stopped working. What do I do now? I was thinking maybe M.J. has been acting up because our dog, Jake died recently. He doesn’t understand the concept of death yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s figured out Jake isn’t coming back. He loved playing with Jake and giving him treats; he also doesn’t have any siblings so maybe this makes him miss Jake more. Of course, if he is feeling any of these things, he’s too young to be able to express them. Hopefully this is just a phase that will end soon. Even though I can sometimes be clueless as a parent, M.J. still loves me so much.
This morning, I opened a Christmas gift from M.J. It was wine glass that said “Best Mom Ever”, it came with a wine stopper that says “I love you, mom.” I asked Dan if M.J. picked it out or if Dan suggested it to him. Dan told me M.J. picked it out. M.J. asked to go down the cup aisle and asked Dan to read him the cups. When Dan read the “Best Mom Ever” one, M.J. said, “Let’s get that one!” This makes me so happy! My 3 year old thinks I am the best mom ever. Even though I have no idea what I’m doing he loves me so much just because I’m his mom. I don’t normally drink wine so I don’t know what I’ll do with the wine stopper, but I can drink anything out of the wine glass. Maybe I’ll turn the wine stopper into an ornament to hang on our tree next year. I’m so thankful my son loves me so much.
I have also been struggling with parenting lately because M.J. has been very clingy. The other day I told him, “I love you, but I can’t play with you all the time.” And he said, “I want you to play with me all the time.” I love my kid, but sometimes the games he wants to play are so boring. Then, I feel guilty for getting bored, but I’m sure I’m not the only mom who gets bored of playing the same thing over and over and over again. I also am really not able to play all the time; I want my house to look a little presentable. Also, my kid needs to eat. Dan reminded me the other day that M.J. wants us to play with him all the time because he loves us so much. Right now we’re his favorite people. I know in a few years that will not be the case anymore. Teenagers don’t normally ask their parents to hang out with them. Even though the toddler years are hard, I am so thankful my son loves me so much.
Even though, we had a weird Christmas this year- Dan and M.J. were both sick- I am reminded of how blessed I am. I am so thankful God has blessed me with my wonderful husband and son. I am so thankful M.J. gave me the wine glass that reminds me I am a good mom. I think God is telling me that I’m doing the best I can as a mom. I’m trying to show my child the love of God. I am not a perfect mom, but when I rely on God’s grace, I can look to Him for perfection. Your children love you, too. Maybe, they don’t show you or tell you, but they love you so much. God loves you. I love you. You’re a good mom.
“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” Galatians 5:1 NLT