At my church right now, they are asking people to share their stories.  They want us to share how God is working in our lives right now.  I was wondering what to share; I feel that my life is pretty boring right now and that’s definitely a blessing.  I’m not struggling with OCD very much anymore.  M.J. and I have started having playdates so he hasn’t been quite as clingy.  I guess the worst thing would be that my neck pain doesn’t seem to be getting better, but I am in a really good spot in my life.

My medication and therapy have helped a lot with my Anxiety, Depression, and OCD.  I don’t get intrusive thoughts as often as I used to and when I do I am much better at dealing with them.  I will still feel depressed randomly which is normal, but I have many different ways of coping.  I haven’t been suicidal for a very long time so that is wonderful.  I still need to work on improving my self-esteem, but who doesn’t these days?

I guess I often wonder what God wants me to do with my life.  Am I making a difference?  Am I impacting others?  Am I influencing others?  I will think, I’m just a Stay-at-Home Mom, how can I impact anyone?  I mentioned this to some of my friends and they told me, “You’re not JUST a Stay-at-Home Mom, you ARE a Stay-at-Home Mom.”  I wonder how I can make an impact in other people’s lives staying home with M.J.  I guess writing on my blog can help others.  Although, I have not been good at doing that lately.  I’ve also tried to be an encouragement to other moms.  I realize when I am honest about my struggles, it can be helpful for other moms who are struggling with the same things.  I felt like I was a horrible mom for not wanting to be with my kid all the time.  When I finally shared this with someone, they told me all moms feel that way sometime.  It is hard to have someone who relies on you all day long.  It is normal to get bored the 20th time your kid asks you to play “good guys and bad guys” with him.  It’s normal to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing.  It’s normal to second-guess yourself.  It’s normal to wonder if you’re being too strict or too lenient.  No one has this whole parenting thing figured out.  All kids are different so even if someone tells you something will work that doesn’t necessarily mean it will work with your kid.  I feel like at this time, God has called me to be an encouragement to other moms and share the love of Jesus with them.  But I also feel that I’m not qualified for this.  I only have one son and I have no idea what I’m doing.  How can I encourage moms who have two or more kids?   I sometimes feel like I can’t even handle one kid. 

But God puts us at certain places in our life for a reason.  I never wanted to be a Stay-at-Home Mom.  I assumed by the time I was 31, I would have a big family and a successful career.  At a different point in my life, I might be disappointed that is not the case right now.  I don’t really want a big family anymore.  Although, sometimes, I will be like…. We could probably adopt a few kids, right?  With Dan’s work schedule it is much easier for me to be a Stay-at-Home Mom.  And we are blessed financially so I don’t need to work.  Since I’m a Stay-at-Home Mom M.J. is able to spend a lot of time with me.  I know everyone doesn’t have this blessing.  I will admit it doesn’t always feel like a blessing to me, but it’s so nice to know I’m able to spend a lot of time with my son.  We’re also able to have playdates with other Stay-at-Home Moms.  It’s nice to have playdates that aren’t at dinner time or that are too close to bedtime.  I love meeting with other moms so we can talk to each other and encourage each other.  I’m so thankful God has blessed me with my family and friends.

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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