Parenting is stressful.  You know when you become an adult and you have to start making Doctor’s appointments for yourself?  Well, when you have kids you need to start making Doctor’s appointments for them, too.  I was planning on making a dentist appointment for M.J. in March of 2020 and then Covid hit.  So I decided I’ll just wait the two weeks and make him an appointment after that.  Hahahaha.  Recently, I realized I should probably make him a dentist appointment.  Both of the pediatric dentists covered by our insurance said the kids go back with the dentists by themselves.  Um, no!  I know I can sometimes be overprotective so I asked Dan if I was overreacting and he said no.  We both agreed we’re not going to leave our 3 year old son alone with a stranger.  Are there really that many parents who are okay with that?  So, anyway I still haven’t scheduled a dentist appointment and I feel bad about it.  I know I should have scheduled one earlier, but I’m not good at these kinds of things. 

Recently, M.J. was playing t-ball outside and I asked him if he would like to play t-ball on a team with other kids this summer.  He said, “yeah!”  Then I started thinking to myself, wait?  Do you sign up for that now?  Then I had to decide if I should sign up in Dewitt or St. Johns because we live in Dewitt, but we’re in the St. Johns school district.  I decided to sign up for t-ball in St. Johns and it said the deadline was March 1st!  What?  Anyway, I was still able to sign up and there was no late fee for t-ball.  Although, when I signed up there were many different things parents could volunteer for.  I didn’t sign up to volunteer because I don’t know if Dan will be working during M.J.’s games.  I’m pretty sure with kids that young the coach is not responsible for corralling the kids while also coaching them.  However; I felt guilty that I didn’t sign up for anything.  I felt obligated.  I’m sure they always need volunteers and I signed my son up so it’s my “job” to volunteer.  Although we had to pay for him to play baseball, what is that money for? 

Struggling to make my son a dentist appointment and signing up for t-ball late stressed me out a little bit.  I thought, I have no idea what I am doing as a mom.  Can I have another kid?  Do I even know what to do with one kid?  I also am a little anxious thinking that we are starting a new phase.  A new phase of sports with practices and games; and possibly staying up past bedtime.  I’m also wondering what I should sign M.J. up for, he has so many interests.  He’s loved baseball since he was 1 or 2 so t-ball was a no-brainer.  But should I sign him up for soccer during that season?  I know he’s still too young for basketball or football.  He also likes music, should I sign him up for piano lessons?  Obviously I can’t sign him up for everything, but I want him to be able to do the things he enjoys.  I know I am overthinking this and we will just take everything as it comes.  I am very excited for him to start t-ball because I think he will love it.

I am wondering am I ready for this next phase?  Do I have any idea what I’m doing?  I often feel overwhelmed as a mom.  I know this is a normal feeling.  I know I’m a good mom.  I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to show M.J. I love him.  I’m so thankful I have a God I can look to for perfection, instead of myself.  God chose me to be M.J.’s mother and I’m parenting the best way I know how.  When M.J. is an adult he’s not going to ask, “Mom, did you sign me up for t-ball late?”  But I hope he will know that I love him.  I love him just because he’s my son.  If you struggle with parenting sometimes, that’s okay.  You’re a normal human being.  Show God’s love to your children and to others.  You’re a good mom.  You’re a good dad.  You are loved.

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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