Oh my goodness!  I am stressed out today.   Bedtime did not go well and M.J. was disciplined quite a bit because he was not listening at all.  Of course, now I am second-guessing myself.  Did I overreact because I am stressed out?  I’m pretty sure I didn’t because I probably gave M.J. more warnings than some parents would, but this day is just stressing me out.

I had a sleep test a few weeks ago.  The sleep center called me and said there were no signs of sleep apnea, so I could either do the test again or meet with a sleep doctor.  I figured if I took the test again it would just say the same thing so I decided to make an appointment with the sleep doctor.  I wasn’t allowed to bring M.J. to my appointment because of Covid so I had to find someone to watch him.  This is also difficult with Covid.  However; one of my awesome mom friends watched him for me so I could go to my appointment today.  At the appointment they had me fill out paperwork and talked to me for probably less than 10 minutes and told me I should do another sleep test tonight.  If I knew that’s what they were going to do I would have just done another sleep test with the sleep center!  Why did I make this pointless appointment?  Anyway, they said I need to do the sleep test tonight and come back in tomorrow.  I asked if I just needed to drop it off or if I would have an appointment.  They said I would have short appointment.  Okay… that definitely works with my husband’s crazy work schedule when I’m not able to bring M.J. with me.  I told them I would come in the afternoon (In between Dan’s shifts), but then I realized Dan has a doctor’s appointment at that time.  Great.  I was looking at the calendar right before bedtime so I may have been a little stressed when bedtime came around.  And I think I became more stressed when M.J. decided not to listen to me at all.

I asked my friend if she could watch M.J. again and I felt really bad about it.  I didn’t want to ask her to watch him again, but she said it was fine.  She said M.J. and her daughter just played by themselves.  And we were planning on having a play date tomorrow anyway so hopefully my doctor’s appointment doesn’t last too long. 

Wow!  Just writing all that down has really helped with my stress.  I don’t know why I haven’t been writing as much lately.  I guess when I have time to write I just feel exhausted.  I will thinking writing sounds like work so I will read for inspiration.  I have been reading a lot, but it hasn’t really helped with my writing I guess.  Right now I’m worried I’m just rambling.  Actually, I worry about that with a lot of my blog posts.  I guess people have different writing styles, but is mine a good writing style?   I guess I second-guess myself with a lot more things than parenting. 

If you’re stressed out or overwhelmed I just want to tell you it’s okay.  I think it’s normal to be stressed out when you are trying to live life through a Pandemic.  It’s so confusing when things open and close and the Covid protocols keep changing, and of course, young kids don’t understand what’s going on.  If you’re stressed out or overwhelmed don’t be afraid to ask for help.  I’m so thankful for my relationship with Jesus.  I can always lean on Him.  I’m not going through this alone.  I’m also so thankful for my loving family and so many wonderful friends.  I’m also thankful for therapy.   I know many people could benefit from going to therapy right now.  Don’t be too ashamed to go.  It is helping me tremendously.  It’s okay if you’re stressed.  You’re a good mom.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

Published by rachel.ermutlu@gmail.com

Christian. Wife. Mom. I just want to share my journey of motherhood and let struggling moms know they're not alone. I enjoy reading, playing board games, spending time with friends and family, and volunteering in the community.

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