Today I’ve just decided to speak about what’s on my mind. It has more to do with marriage than parenting but I believe it’s important to keep making your marriage a priority after you have kids. I’ve only been married four years so maybe I’m not qualified to give marriage advice but I think most couples who have been married for a long time will agree with me. I think it is important to not speak critically about your husband to your friends. I had to leave a few online mom groups because there would always be moms criticizing their husbands and I didn’t feel it was healthy. If I happened to be mad at my husband and I read one of those it would make it worse. I would also be tempted to post negative things about my husband which I don’t think is helpful. Complaining to your friends does nothing to change your husband’s behavior. If your husband does something that bothers you talk to him about it. I also think when you’re planning on living with someone the rest of your life it is important to compromise. Don’t nitpick the little things. Tell your husband about the big things that bug you.
I am blessed with a good husband; I know some women are not blessed to have a husband who automatically helps with the kids, does yardwork and housework. However; one thing I learned after I had M.J. is that men and women do not think the same way at all. I would think I need to make sure the baby is taken care of before I do anything else, but Dan did not think that way. It can be difficult to tell your husband to do something you think he should already be doing but it is much better for your marriage if you don’t expect him to read your mind. Of course, I’m not perfect and I still expect Dan to read my mind sometimes. I’m not great at communicating my feelings especially if I’m mad but I’m working on it.
If you are having a problem in your marriage and would like helpful advice I would recommend asking someone who you feel is wise. Our life group at our church is a good place for us to be able to talk about our struggles with marriage and parenting without judgement. I would recommend a friend who you trust who will not tell you to just divorce him for leaving the toilet seat up.
If you are tempted to say something negative about your husband I would challenge you to stop and think how you would feel if he said something negative about you. I think it is important in a marriage to think about the positive qualities of your partner. Of course your husband has flaws, but you do, too. I wouldn’t want my husband focusing on my flaws so I try not to focus on his either. Show others how much you love your husband by affirming instead of criticizing.
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1st Corinthians 13:13 NIV
****I am not talking about abusive relationships. If you are in an abusive relationship try to leave and get help. If you need help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.